While bees never sleep, man spends a third of his life doing so and some men more than that. But while awake the things we do teach us lessons. Not all that we do is wise or even preplanned, but those painful things teach us lessons not unlike the sting of the bee on the face when not properly veiled. And so as we look back over our life we seem to gain wisdom and understanding that eluded us until now and below is a thought on marriage between a man and woman. I have to say, I wish perhaps I'd thought about this long ago.
One of the characters of a man is that he wishes to be followed. This desire is one of the reasons a man falls in love with a woman, because of her adoration of him he is followed. What happens in a marriage as it matures is that the woman becomes more confident in her own abilities and her personality, being loved by her husband she becomes more independent, causing there to be a greater chance that she will no longer follow her husbands lead. Thus begins the separation. Each time the woman bites back against the lead of her man, he also distances himself from her, impart to reduce the probability of a confrontation with the one he loves, or simply out of spite and anger he places a barrier so he cannot be hurt in the future by the wives rejection of his lead. As time passes these wounds are either healed by greater signs of confidence and love from the wife, or they are made deeper and more scarring by continued disagreement about the path or direction of things.
As in medicine, there comes a time when a wound is so deep and scarring that the limb must be amputated. This is not unlike divorce where a man and women amputate the limb in their own lives. When a man and woman marry they become “one flesh.” It is no longer two, but a body with two legs. The legs sometimes have toes, “children” and with the loss of a leg comes the loss of children as well. In todays court system it is the man who loses the foot off his remaining leg as well, as the courts cut it off in favor of maternal value. The anger and spite of the separation usually finds the woman using the children as a way of hurting the man further both emotionally and financially.
So who loses greater in a divorce? The foot (children). Amputated from the leg, it’s very life blood, its very mobility is removed and even time will not heal this wound. While the leg may be able to hobble along without a foot, a foot without a leg cannot not mature.
So goes the progression of marriage in most cases these days as greater than 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The man falls for the woman and joins her “for life.” The woman matures and grows apart from the man and chooses to cut him off to prove to herself that she is bette than the man, or simply happier in her own life that she no longer needs or desires the affection of her man, seeking out another to prove she is still lovable even in her new maturity. The lessons taught to the man our forever in most cases and while the woman increases in confidence and shelf assured value, the man decreases in confidence, feeling he is unworthy of being followed and less self assured as a result. This brings on isolation. The nature of man is to be alone. “It is better for a man to not marry.” And if this Bible proverb is observed, the man is hurt less, I imagine the same is true for the woman.